Where does He have me?

There have been quite a few changes in the last 2 months for me. I've been working more (always a good thing), taking grad classes again (this comes with lots more homework than I was hoping for), there have been some changes in my ministries at church, and I've been getting worse headaches ( a side effect of working more haha... and my migraines seem to be really bad lately), just to name a few. However, the biggest change came for me this week as I started thinking about what I'm going to do next year.

While I know our nation is in an economic crisis, I've managed to remain largely unaffected by it for the most part. My job wasn't in danger, and thankfully my family is secure and safe. But this week as people have been asking me what I am planning on doing in the fall, (Will I continue to sub? or teach in my own room? ) I've been forced to open the compartment in the back of my mind I'd set aside for spring cleaning.. oh and well it's officially the spring semester, so it's time to start searching for jobs again. :/

The discouraging part is that education is the wrong field to try to be getting into right now, and sadly for many who have been in it for many years it's becoming the wrong field to be in. Districts are laying people off left and right, even if you've been there for almost ten years. I know God is in control of it all and that He knows where I will be and whether or not I get a full time job has already been decided by Him. When I sat down with my mom this afternoon to look at options, and decide whether or not I should start examining other careers away from a classroom, I couldn't help but be upset. I've worked long and hard, and I mean long hours of unpaid hard work with high schoolers and professors over the last 2 years to be where I am now. To say that I've poured hours of blood, sweat and tears into this would not be a lie. (The blood may be a slight exaggeration, but hey, I'm counting paper cuts that occur while grading papers) Basically, what it comes down to, is I have a short amount of time (5 years, but in teaching years that's a short amount of time) to "clear my credential". In order to clear my credential I have to teach for 2 years full time. This year doesn't count for anything and next year isn't too promising for getting a job that is not subbing. At the same time, I learned that if I opt to teach in private schools, I have to PAY for MORE SCHOOL!!! (If I teach in public schools they pay for it) If I fail to complete my two years, my credential will destruct in 5...4...3..2... just kidding! But, I do have to start all over again with the entire credential process, CSETS, student teaching, classes.... the WHOLE THING! Needless to say I was discouraged.

I hate giving up, quitting is not in my vocab, it never has been; but sometimes there are roads that we travel that God places a stop sign or a U-turn sign at and we have to obey. Right now I'm trying to read the road signs and figure out where He has me. In the mean time I'm praying that He will reveal where he wants me in school, work, and church ministries. While it's frustrating that I can't control my life's direction (I know I have control issues, God and I discuss this on a reoccurring basis) I'm also relieved that I don't understand my God. If I could understand Him all the time, He wouldn't be big enough for me, and there's a safety in knowing, as scary as it often is, that He is in control and there's nothing I can do to change that or to change how much He loves me. For that I am thankful. Now, if only I could see the road signs he has ahead... the only one that's clear blinks "wait patiently"...