Where does He have me?

There have been quite a few changes in the last 2 months for me. I've been working more (always a good thing), taking grad classes again (this comes with lots more homework than I was hoping for), there have been some changes in my ministries at church, and I've been getting worse headaches ( a side effect of working more haha... and my migraines seem to be really bad lately), just to name a few. However, the biggest change came for me this week as I started thinking about what I'm going to do next year.

While I know our nation is in an economic crisis, I've managed to remain largely unaffected by it for the most part. My job wasn't in danger, and thankfully my family is secure and safe. But this week as people have been asking me what I am planning on doing in the fall, (Will I continue to sub? or teach in my own room? ) I've been forced to open the compartment in the back of my mind I'd set aside for spring cleaning.. oh and well it's officially the spring semester, so it's time to start searching for jobs again. :/

The discouraging part is that education is the wrong field to try to be getting into right now, and sadly for many who have been in it for many years it's becoming the wrong field to be in. Districts are laying people off left and right, even if you've been there for almost ten years. I know God is in control of it all and that He knows where I will be and whether or not I get a full time job has already been decided by Him. When I sat down with my mom this afternoon to look at options, and decide whether or not I should start examining other careers away from a classroom, I couldn't help but be upset. I've worked long and hard, and I mean long hours of unpaid hard work with high schoolers and professors over the last 2 years to be where I am now. To say that I've poured hours of blood, sweat and tears into this would not be a lie. (The blood may be a slight exaggeration, but hey, I'm counting paper cuts that occur while grading papers) Basically, what it comes down to, is I have a short amount of time (5 years, but in teaching years that's a short amount of time) to "clear my credential". In order to clear my credential I have to teach for 2 years full time. This year doesn't count for anything and next year isn't too promising for getting a job that is not subbing. At the same time, I learned that if I opt to teach in private schools, I have to PAY for MORE SCHOOL!!! (If I teach in public schools they pay for it) If I fail to complete my two years, my credential will destruct in 5...4...3..2... just kidding! But, I do have to start all over again with the entire credential process, CSETS, student teaching, classes.... the WHOLE THING! Needless to say I was discouraged.

I hate giving up, quitting is not in my vocab, it never has been; but sometimes there are roads that we travel that God places a stop sign or a U-turn sign at and we have to obey. Right now I'm trying to read the road signs and figure out where He has me. In the mean time I'm praying that He will reveal where he wants me in school, work, and church ministries. While it's frustrating that I can't control my life's direction (I know I have control issues, God and I discuss this on a reoccurring basis) I'm also relieved that I don't understand my God. If I could understand Him all the time, He wouldn't be big enough for me, and there's a safety in knowing, as scary as it often is, that He is in control and there's nothing I can do to change that or to change how much He loves me. For that I am thankful. Now, if only I could see the road signs he has ahead... the only one that's clear blinks "wait patiently"...

Politics as usual...

Well, he's been in office for less than a month and already President Obama has gone against much of what he promised in his campaign. It amazes me that people actually thought he would be different. I think one of the things that saddens me in politics is when our leaders claim to be Christians and then they go against Biblical principles and standards.

One of the phrases that we heard throughout the campaings (mostly from Sarah Palin) was the phrase "politics as usual." Obama promised change and a difference in the way politics has been conducted in Washington. Well so far he has he has changed our way of chosing people in high leadership from choosing people of integrity to choosing people with corruption who have to bow out or be removed before their confirmation even can occur. Wow! Not to mention the fact that he has aggressively begun attacking the issue of pro-life.
The thing that gets me is that Congress is so worried about the fact that by the time our generation gets to be old there will not be enough money for Social Security because the older generations currently outnumber ours by a ridiculous amounts. Here is the simple answer as to how to save our nation from a social seucrity crisis, stop abortion. We have already killed over an entire generation of babies that could've helped pay into social security and therefore we wouldn't have the problem we will eventually. Not to mention abortion is murder and is just morally wrong, and also the Bible is very clear on the topic.

Foxnews had a great article though that I thought clearly outlines the tone of this new administration. I loved what she had to say. Take a look.. http://foxforum.blogs.foxnews.com/2009/02/04/tantaros_obama-2/

does the golden rule have no weight anymore?

One of the things I've been struggling with lately is the how to effectively do what Christ has commanded us in Matthew 10:27

"He answered, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind. And you must love your neighbor as yourself."

I do fine with the love the Lord with all your heart soul and mind. Well I mean, I struggle with that as do most Christians in completely surrendering my heart, mind and soul completely to Him daily.

But here's where I really struggle... I find myself really struggling with a certain person in these verses. I know that we as Christians are all human, and we all struggle with things each of us different, some of us struggle with physical things, some emotional things, and mental things. How do you love someone as yourself when though they profess to be a Christian, in their deeds, and speech seems to be far from that? Comments are made that are above the overlookable level of rudeness, there is a conceitedness that seems to run throughout their speech and a heart that is not at all inclined to serve as the Lord commanded us. I know we aren't to judge each other, but the Bible also tells us we will know each other by our fruit. So if this person shows no "fruit like qualities" what does that mean?

It's taking all of my fruit of the spirit to handle myself in a manner that is worthy of bearing fruit. I think I've picked almost all of the fruit off of my tree in order to simply be around this person. My supply of self-control is running dangerously low, and so is my patience. The question I now struggle with is do I say something to this person, call them out so to speak on the things they have done that have been hurtful or damaging? Part of me that knows that "playground rules" apply here.

When my kids come to me during the summer and tell me that Jamie hurt Bob's feelings, I say John, go tell Bob that if Jamie said something that upset him HE needs to go tell Jamie, and then Bob needs to come tell me, not you.

I know the same is true in life, but just like my kids struggle with it, I struggle with it as well. I don't like to sit back and watch friends get hurt. I also don't like being insulted and considered as abrasive and mean when I actually do point out things that are in need of correction when I do it in a loving manner. Perhaps I need to pray more about my loving manner, because when frustration creeps in my lovingness and kindness (another fruit I have a feeling will be running low on in the near future if things stay as is) I can see how things could be taken incorrectly. Hence the reason I have hesitated making too many corrective remarks. I also want to make sure I'm not pulling a log and speck situtation as well.
I need the Lord to give me wisdom in how I deal with those around me that frustrate me. When people act with such disregard for those fellow believers and nonbelivers around them I feel frustrated to be associated with them. Almost as if my efforts in showing gospel has been tainted because of their manners and actions. Uggh.. I guess I just need to ask the Lord to help me grow more self-control and patience fruit on my tree.

I survived...

I feel like I need one of those shirts that says "I survived..." Mine would say I survived my week in Computer Keyboarding and ALC!!"

Only the Lord knew what He had in store for me last week and I think I'm glad that I didn't know prior to going into the assignment or I wouldn't have agreed to it. Each day the Lord gave me a verse to help strengthen and remind me of why I was there. John 16:33 was the first verse. How applicable that verse ended up being to my whole week.
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

"For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!" 2 Corinthians 4:17
This verse summed up my Friday and when the final bell rang at the end of the day, I think I was just as excited as the kids in my 7th period to get out of the class.

Highlights of my week: (note I'm being very sarcastic)
1. Having to kick the same 3 kids out of ALC all 3 days they were in there with me.
2. Getting asked out by multiple students in my class ( my favorite was the one who asked if he could take me to Costco to get pizza!) hahahaha
3. Drug deal going on outside my classroom..

Thankfully today I have travelled back to historyland and am subbing for my old master teacher. My life is much happier.

Isn't jail supposed to be torture for the inmate not the jailer?

When someone is sent to jail the idea behind it is they will learn from their lesson and then return to society changed. We all hope that change is for the better, but that is not always the case. 

The same is true of the students I was sent to "guard" in ALC today. I call it jail, the technical name is ALC. Although they were sent there because a) like 10 of them were there for all day in school suspension or b) they were a classroom disruption in their real classroom and were therefore sent to be in mine. The thing is, that being sent to ALC is not a punishment really, because all their little hoodlum friends are serving time with them. Though they are not allowed to talk they bang on the desks. So I tried to ignore them. That worked for a while until they all started banging. I then got fed up after I confiscated 1) mcdonald's egg mcmuffin 2) a cell phone 3) an ipod 4) a "wonderful" drawing of me.. (it was less than flattering) so I sent Van Gogh to the office because I'd had quite enough of him. The AP came in and then chewed them out and silence was finally restored. 

I noticed though that I seemed to be the only one really counting down the minutes until my hour of torture was over! grr.. and it's only 3rd period!!

and I thought teaching computer would be easy!

So I subbed in keyboarding today (computer keyboarding) which was suppossed to be easy. I am the kids type I watch, and then write down their typing scores and they type more right? WRONG!
(***names have been changed to protect the guilty)
Who knew computer could be so crazy... Essentially the description above is what my day SHOULD have looked like, but the reality is so far from that.
Period 1: I get into class ready to take on the children and am trying to have a good attitude despite the fact I knew I had "jail duty" second period. Then it begins. The bell had just rung and I hear "Miss Frost, I can't log in!" "yah, me too... me three... yeah I can't log in either.." now I have 20 kids that can't log in and 5 that can.. Ok so they aren't making up an excuse I determine unless they conspired against me in the hallway which was highly unlikely. So I go over and read the screen that says "system network error.. unable to log in" GREAT! That means that they can't do any of the lesson plans I have for them. So I call the office, and wouldn't you know, the person who knows how to reset the network and fix the problem is the person I'm subbing for.. and then the other guy that knows how to solve it isn't there yet. Wonderful! I tell the kids just to hang out and to keep trying. Finally the part time guy that knows how to fix it does so with like 15 minutes left in the period, leaving my kids with 45 wasted minutes of class.. Gotta love that.
I supervised jail, which was amazingly enough the most calm period of the day (not including my relaxing prep period). Only 2 kids and neither were major offenders...
and then the chaos began again..
Period 3...
So the kids are working on their assignments and thankfully all the bugs have been worked out of the server. I notice Stacy*** is not typing and is writing frantically on a paper with the words Athena at the top. I calmly walk over and tell her to get to work and stop working on English homework. OK...sorry... Then 15 minutes later or so I walk back over to check her progress (as I'd been doing to everyone else) and guess what? She's still working on Athena. I ask again calmly to see her work.. "O I finished it already!" "Great, let me see then.." "OH.... UM... I don't understand how to do it!" "So in otherwords, you didn't even start" "NO..." "Well then Stacy, I'm going to hang on to your Athena paper until you finish my assignment" needless to say she wasn't happy about that, and she really wasn't happy about the fact that since she didn't finish her assignment I didn't return her assignment. She told me as she stormed out after yelling at me that "her teacher would call me, and that it was stipid and I was stupid!" whatever... what she didn't know is her teacher is one of my friends and when he and I talked at lunch he said exactly what I thought he would. Good.. I'm glad you took it away if she was doing it in another class and not working..

THEN... the highlight of the day (not) was the almost fight in my 6th period class. I actually had to yell to get them all to shut up. At one point during the crazy period I looked across the room from where I was helping a student with the formating on his letter and I see Michael and James in a yelling match that is about to turn into a fight. Michael apparently had been punching keys on James' keyboard which upset him and rtaher than telling me about it, James decides to rip the cords out of Michael's computer and then flipped over the computer monitor. I rushed over just in time to stop Michael from trying to punch James.. I split them up and calmed the class down and then gave them both detentions. In retrospect I should've called security, but there was too much else going on in the classroom to deal with just that problem.
So yeah... broken servers, confiscated homework with insults, and then fights.. gotta love computer!
Thankfully I'm in AVID tomorrow. Hopefully it will be easier.

adventures in subbing and the fires

Subbing.. o boy.. This last week was quite the week for characters.. I subbed one day for the computer keyboarding teacher. He also serves as the ALC teacher during one of his periods. (ALC is where the office sends the kids you kick out of your class for either the rest of the day or the rest of the period) It's basically jail. The kids there don't care what you say, because they're already in trouble and you can't do anything else to them. Of course they don't come with any work to do or if they do have work they lie and say they don't. It's a fun filled hour of torture for the teacher. Then, on Thursday, I subbed for a friend of mine in Freshman english. Gotta love freshmen! In my 4th period class after having the "Great Shake Up" (simulated 7.8 earthquake drill) I confiscated a remote control fart machine. Now this would've made my day had I been able to collect the remote as well as the machine, because I could've then used it for my own enjoyment at lunch with the guys. (but no the child didn't want to own up to who the owner of the machine was and so I was left with a machine that makes noises, but no way to control the noises) :( Needless to say it was an entertaining week at the high school. Unfortunately for me because the air quality is so bad b/c of the fires schools have been closed for the last two days. Of course these would be days that I actually had subbing assignments. So after a weekend of stress, and anxiety, I'm glad the fires are under control down here and life can return to normal.